how do you have so much faith and love inside of yourself that you believe you'll do great things? do you think that's better then being negative about yourself all of the time?
more than anything, I have this unshakable hope for this world that has really driven me through this little life of mine. the times I feel most full of love are when I feel in sync with the world, which hasn’t been the case lately. I’ve been very cruel to myself, and this self-inflicted negativity has left me with a bad taste in my mouth and has been fucking with my homeostasis. i keep myself busy in times like these. it doesn’t work for long. I’ll have to deal with these feelings soon. but still, but still, but still!
the other day at the train station in white plains, over the highway and through the trees a parade of dandelion wisps came fluttering, filled the entire sky with these little white, dreamy cloud bits. I was so giddy, so absolutely fucking happy. the small girl next to me noticed them too, and we looked up and laughed together. it was like when I first bought my skateboard, or when it first thundered this year and I ran outside with my roommate and danced and whooped around our little corner of third ave. there’s a magic here in this world. it’s what keeps me sane, keeps me going. my love for this world moves me forward. in myself I am a messy human being. I appreciate all that can take me out of my own little head. writing, forests - it’s all the same to me.
everything I do, really - all of my belief and love for myself - stems from my plain and simple gratitude for being a little human being in this world. I don’t want to do great things, whatever that means. everything I do is to get this feeling. I chase the moments that make me feel closer to the flow of things, and I try to hold onto those moments because I’m human, write them because I’m selfish in my desire for preservation.